Light Up Your Life With Islam

Posts tagged ‘negative’

One Wrong Word…

Bismillah.

Many huge fights, arguments and heart-breaks in relationships are due to little things. Surprisingly, the weapon used to strike is very small and soft and yet it pierces like a dagger. Yes, it is the tongue that is used to utter something cutting and then comes the response and then it continues. Often these big fights having little foundations are the ones that ruin the peace of a household and sometimes even take it toward ultimate destruction.

One of the arguments that is common in many houses is about food. The food is not good, it has too much salt, it has no salt at all, the food is cold, it is late, you don’t even know how to cook etc. The opposing party having little patience as well launches a full fledged attack in defence. And fighting ensues.

Food, however, is just a basic example. We feel it’s an obligation upon us to comment if we see anything negative in our surroundings. Today, it is kind of an accepted fact that if you keep doing everything right, no one will appreciate you but one single mistake will open many mouths. This is negative reinforcement which leads to more negative behaviour. Unfortunately, this is not what Islam teaches us. Islam likes us to maintain a peaceful, positive and encouraging atmosphere in our homes. So that our homes become our safe haven instead of a battlefield.

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The question is if you see something negative (but not sinful), say, something not to your liking, what should you do?

Sahih Bukhari, 3563:

Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet (ﷺ) never criticized any food (presented him), but he would eat it if he liked it; otherwise, he would leave it (without expressing his dislike).

Just don’t comment at that time. Control the desire to lash out. :)

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ did not pinpoint people publicly over their mistakes anyway. It makes one feel humiliated more than it reforms them.

There are other wiser and more polite ways of correcting mistakes than criticizing. Use your skills and discover those instead. Remember that positive reinforcement will take you a long way.

Q. Your spouse cooks your favourite dish for you but makes it too salty by accident. What do you do?

Options:
a) Criticize it harshly and push the plate away.
b) Tell them that the taste is ruined but eat it anyway.
c) Don’t say anything about the food but don’t eat either.
d) Tell them tactfully that you appreciate what they did for you however you were planning on ordering/cooking food for them tonight from their favourite place and go and bring food for them/cook for them.
e) Other…

 

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Deflect; No Side Effect

Bismillah.

A healthy living includes not only physical health but also mental, emotional and spiritual health. All these aspects of a balanced life are interconnected and influence each other. Today, health experts say that holding grudges or unexpressed anger may cause cancer or cardiovascular diseases. At any rate, it makes one’s life uncomfortable and causes anxiety and depression.

People, in general, are not always bad. Often they do want to forgive but they don’t know how to do it. They want to be guided to baby steps and different examples from everyday life situations so they know how to deal with it. Knowing this human weakness of ours, Allah gave us a huge gift and role model in the shape of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. He was a human being dealing with the routine struggles of life and more, and yet the way he reacted and dealt with them is exceptional.

If you wish to be a happy and optimistic person who knows how to extract positives from every negative, then read the following:

Sahih Bukhari, 3533:

Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Doesn’t it astonish you how Allah protects me from the Quraish’s abusing and cursing? They abuse Mudhammam and curse Mudhammam while I am Muhammad (and not Mudhammam).

Meanings of Arabic words: [Mudhammam: disgraced, Muhammad: praised]

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The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was opposed, mocked at and tortured by his enemies when he was spreading the message of truth. He was innocent, he was trying to guide them to what was beneficial yet they twisted the truth and made it sound to whoever they could that actually he ﷺ was trying to spread discord and hate amongst people. They accused him of evil intentions. Imagine, how tough it would be for him when he wanted nothing but good even for his enemies.

In their hate, these people didn’t even like to take his name, Muhammad. It means “the one praised” and indeed his whole character is praiseworthy. But they called him Mudhammam, “the one who is disgraced”. Instead of becoming angry, shouting at them, or calling names at them, He ﷺ simply said, they are mocking and opposing Mudhammam, not me because I am Muhammad. It’s someone else they’re talking about.

So simple and brilliant! If people accuse you of something you did not do or call you bad names and you have a clear conscience, then say to yourself, it’s not me they are talking about but someone else because I’m innocent.

And then move on with a smile! Because it was not about you in the first place. :)

 

 

 

 

 

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